Dear Alice, I think that best thing you can do is:
- Do not be afraid of your feelings or of having a conflict with him. When your needs are not being met, try to disclose your feelings and be willing to listen without judgment to him. Remember, none of us can be perfect in everything that we do in life.
- When you feel disturbed, please try to calm your breathing and relax your muscles. This makes it easier to manage your feelings.
- If conflict still exists, please get back into your heart and speak only from there. Start slowly. Feel your heart and take a risk again, little by little. To express how you feel.
- If the situation continues to grow worse, try to be realistic about it and understand that nobody special wants to hurt you. Just deeply injured, insecure and scared peoples can behave rude and disrespectful to you and are not willing to let you go away from the conflict. So, in this situation, you can only try to help him, without pleasing him or meeting his expectations. Consider that your own hurt may be coming from your injury, insecurity and fear. Conflict generally resides in both parties and rarely is only one person the source of the conflict.
- Stop worrying about what he is thinking about you once the situation is over. This will only add to your insecurity and renew the conflict.
In the end I want to share the wisdom of Gandhi’s words, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” That is because our own mind determines our personal experience about the world around us. Along these lines this wise man also said, “You can chain me, you can even destroy my body, but you will never imprison my mind.”
Love and Light,
We all have feelings. Feelings result in emotion. If I feel cut off and lonely from those I love, my feelings may create emotions of sadness, anger, or jealousy. Expression is a means to communicate these feelings and resultant emotions. Expression is merely saying what we feel in a way that effectively communicates the feeling or emotion. If we are not expressive, then others will not truly understand how we feel or what we mean. For example, if someone disagrees with an idea that you have and you use verbal logic to defend it without being expressive, they will not know what you feel. They are left to figure out how you feel and may decide that you are angry, and an argument may occur. Perhaps you were excited and enthusiastic and simply wanted the other person to understand. But because you didn’t express your enthusiasm, the other person had to select what emotion they thought you felt. Expressiveness is as important as the logic we choose and is expressed in how our voice sounds, how we sit, what we do with our body, as well as the words that we use.
I’ve always tried to distance myself from people who are rude, overly aggressive and mean. But, I become tied to him when he was at a bad spot in his life. When he angry, he couldn’t recognize that his actions were causing me pain, even when I directly laid it out in front of him. He also always trying to make the comparison that the same things that hurt him also hurt me. He never apologize, and he says I deserve to be treated that way, and that I was the one at fault. Could there be something he feels guilty about? I think, that not. Now he started send me hateful messages on Facebook. Why does bad things happen to good people?
There are millions of intelligent and scientific ways to explain why you are feeling the way you are. Sometimes it is a lot less complicated than you think. You may have tons of feelings for that person, you may be in love or just infatuated with the idea of love but either or hurt just as bad when the feelings aren’t mutual. It’s actually is very simple, most people may not like my answer but you have to be selfish in that situation. You need to reach your full potential and aim for your goals, anything toxic that gets in the way is unnecessary. Believe me it’s hard to leave something or someone that you love no matter how much they hurt you. In the back of your head you either blame yourself or convince yourself you can help and change things. You get comfortable and decide that dealing with what you have now is much easier than being alone or playing the field again. Believe me all of those feelings are natural. The only thing that’s really going to help you is sitting down and looking deep inside, ask yourself “what do i want?” Do you want to settle for something tormenting but yet comfortable since that is the person you want or are you going to stand up for yourself and let yourself have a shot at something uncertain with a happier ending? No one can hurt you if you don’t give them a chance to. I’m not saying build up a wall and hide… I’m telling you to realize your worth and live up to it. Love shouldn’t cause pain and if it does then it’s already a love lost.